50 Ways to Leave Your Love Handles.

I have so many excuses, explanations and ridiculous reasons that I use as rationale to keep eating and stay fat. I say things like, “Oh, I’ll start tomorrow” or “I’m not that fat, I have some leeway!” and my favorite, “I could get hit by a bus tomorrow! Might as well enjoy this chocolate cake while I still can!” I’m not sure I have every actually sat down and thought of the reasons why I want to lose weight rather than gain weight! So here are my 50 reasons to lose weight and be thin! I will look back on these when I am in the midst of using one of my many excuses to eat crap! Feel free to use them too!

50 reasons I want to lose weight (or at least not get any bigger):

1. So I can walk around the beach in a bikini with confidence!
2. Better yet, so I can run on the beach like Pam Anderson in Baywatch!
3. So I won’t be jealous of Patrick looking at “hotter” women.
4. No more sarongs!
5. So I can brush my teeth without my stomach jiggling.
6. So I can be a threat. I want women to be threatened by me for once!
7. So I don’t think about killing every thin woman who passes by.
8. So I don’t have to be the funny, fat friend.
9. So I don’t have to be the Chloe Kardashian of my sisters. I want to be the Kim!
10. So that at 26, I can look better than women twice my age.
11. So I can run a 5K.
12. So I can be a beautiful, skinny bride someday. (Patrick, are you listening?)
13. So I can be carried over the threshold after my big dream wedding.
14. So I don’t die from complications related to being overweight.
15. So I don’t have to deal with reproductive complications due to obesity.
16. So when I get pregnant in the future people can tell that I’m pregnant and not just bloated!
17. So I don’t end up like one of those obese women who walk around Walmart in those over-sized Tweedy Bird T-shirts. (You know what I’m talking about.)
18. So I can sit down without putting something in front of my stomach to hide the rolls.
19. So I can be a size 10.
20. So I can wear shorts in the summer.
21. So no one will ever think I’m pregnant when I’m not! It’s happened!
22. So I can walk around with a latte and huge sunglasses and look hot rather than just stupid!

I wish.

23. So I don’t have to suck in my tummy anymore!
24. So I don’t have to be embarrassed about taking photos or spend so much time trying to look skinny in them. (I know all the tricks.)
25. So I can wear cute clothes!
26. No more chafing between the legs!
27. So I don’t have to look up to hide my double chin.
28. So I don’t have to hear, “But at least you’re pretty.” ever again.
29. So I can fit into all the clothing that I own rather than having to go out and buy larger sizes.
30. So I don’t freak out when I have to get dressed up to go somewhere fancy.
31. So I can be comfortable when I reach down to put on my socks.
32. So I can have more energy and stamina.
33. No more suck-me-suits!
34. So I can eat in front of others without feeling self-conscious.
35. So my doctor doesn’t have to tell me to “lose a few” every time I see him.
36. No more yoga pants!
37. So I never have to see XL again.
38. So I can be comfortable while wearing jeans.
39. So I can have that boudoir session with Kasia!
40. So I can wear skinny jeans without looking like a sausage.
41. So I can do jumping jacks without getting embarrassed.
42. So I can jump rope without getting embarrassed.
43. To be more flexible.
44. So If the house catches on fire I can escape through the window!
45. So no one can ever poke fun at my weight again.
46. So I can prolong my life.
47. So I can go confidently to my ten year high school reunion.
48. So I can outrun a killer if I ever have to. You never know…
49. So I don’t look like a colossal failure to all the readers of this blog.
50. And finally, so I can finally look in front of the mirror and like what I see. No more embarrassment. No more self-loathing.

These are MY reason, what are yours?