The episode starts with our heroin, Carrie Bradshaw, sitting at her computer trying to drum up new material for her weekly sex column, but finding it very difficult since she’s not in a relationship. She fears that her lack of insightful columns (or her lack of columns in general) will get her fired by her editor. Like Carrie, I too have been sitting at my computer a lot trying to drum up ideas for my weight loss column blog, yet finding it extremely difficult to come up with anything insightful since I’m not losing weight! Though I don’t have an editor breathing down my neck and causing me to fear getting fired for shitty writing, I do have readers that are important to me and I fear that my blog with become nothing but a big fat joke (pun intended) if I continue being such a disappointment.
As sad as it is, after all of this talking, complaining, whining, crying protesting, praying and blogging, I am still fat. I'm beginning to think that there is something seriously fucking wrong with me. I wrack my brain every night as to why I can't seem to stick to a diet at this point in my life when I have done it successfully in the past. What's different now? Have I changed mentally? Is there something physically wrong with me? Or is it D, all of the above? I’m starting to think that the only thing I can be consistent with is failure.
If you’ve seen this episode of Sex and the City that I’m talking about, then you remember that Carrie was beginning to become very cynical and pessimistic about finding love after having so many devastating disappointments and heartbreaks with men. Most of the time I feel cynical and pessimistic about this weight loss journey after so many unsuccessful, pointless attempts. I feel emotionally deflated while physically more inflated (have you seen my ass?!) My cynical side is doubtful that this weight loss will ever happen for me and wonders if all this diet related stress is even worth it. I know losing weight isn’t supposed to be easy, but I didn’t think it would be this impossible! Is there any hope left for me? Is there hope for fat women?
In the end of the episode Carrie dedicates her book of columns to "Charlotte York, the eternal optimist." I dedicate my blog to optimism in general. To hopefulness and confidence about the future of successful weight loss. To hopeful women everywhere.
